Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Into the Unknown....

The madness has begun. Online courses have already started for the UH Special Education program I was recently accepted into. Writing papers, studying for the Praxis = Things I have not thought about in years, simple math is not seeming so simple. Figuring out how to juggle taking an online course while working a job where I am off the grid for a week at a time has left my head spinning. I have been managing all of that with long runs, paddles, and intermittent dance sessions!

With dangling fragments and comma splices dripping from my mind I started out running up into the mist. I just went where my feet took me. Before I knew it I had no idea nor did I care where I was. Through the Eucalyptus vortex.... Took a detour off the road, rock hopping up a gulch jumping higher into the misty fog.. into the unknown, immersed in the moment and nothing else.

Eucalyptus trees overseeing this land of forgotten times

The mist turned into a heavy cloudburst, something about it was overly refreshing and I started feeling wild. Wide eyed running like a maniac, the rain felt like instant rejuvenation sprinkled down from the gods. I kept running farther into the moment with joyous fury. A scent bouquet of damp earth, plumeria and decomposing guava waifed through the air, a manic moment!

Running back through the leaves on the ground had me feeling nostalgic for the Blue Ridge trails in the Virginia mountains, I miss running back there.

Time seemed to be standing still. I was zoning out, feeling loopy near the end of the 30+ mile trek; staring at a flower when time restarted with a burst. It was as if I saw it twice in the same moment, once in slow motion and once sped up, a flower unfolded from partial to full openness! Different stages of unfolding, I wondered what stage I was in? I just started laughing and continued on. Getting hung up on smiles and falling leaves, how good it felt to be running/exploring somewhere on the island I have yet to experience.

Long runs and paddles have kept me sane this week. Up the coast! Out of the protective breakwater of Hilo bay and into open ocean, muuush!! muush!!

Despite all of the school work I have only had one moment of insanity. Late at night, I somehow convinced myself I was going blind and had a mini freak out. Stress has been a foreign concept so I will blame it on that? I knew then it was time to get some sleep and yes when I woke up in the morning my vision remained intact!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Inspiring Feelings...Linger On

It's so easy to become comfortable and complacent. I sometimes feel like Coleridge's Ancient Mariner, surrounded by water yet dying of thirst. In times like these I just try to keep my eyes open, for beauty and inspiration are around every corner.

I try to capture the essence
Of nights
When I can't sleep because my heart quakes my body
As I already feel tomorrows Sun rising within
But have to wait in the still darkness
Hearing the echoes of the conch shell whispers

Working wilderness therapy, being immersed in an emotionally turbulent environment non stop for a week at a time can take its toll. Some weeks I leave feeling fresh and inspired and others I leave feeling exhausted, frazzled and wrecked. Being involved with others personal growth and development definitely makes me turn the magnifying glass on myself, sometimes bring on traces of self doubt. Usually good things happen when you go on expansive excursions within yourself, I think Self Awareness=Awakening.

Being a part of others self awakening has no doubt helped my own self evolution. It's amazing how the small simple steps of practicing mindfulness towards others, self reflection, and working on the land growing vegetables can bring about a clear mind. Doing something for the mind, body, and emotion each day is something simple that is practiced and for me is a key component in overall health. A few weeks ago I picked up a hitchhiker, I had seen him before playing the harp in front of the market in Hilo. He was probably the most stoked person I have ever talked to. He was on his way to swim, "Mind, body, emotion. I've been reading all day, slept under a macadamia nut tree last night and now I need to swim." That outlook sure was working for him because he was pumped on life.

I often get asked how I find happiness, "You seem like a happy person"
Sometimes it seems so simple. I try to live my passions, do what I love,and give back to others while expecting nothing in return. Sometimes that question can seem so complex and the answer is who knows? Reminds me of something my friend Eric said the other day: "Sometimes you have to drive across the whole country just to come up with ONE idea" Words of wisdom, haha.

As for now, I am off to the place where the kind of sort of's and the maybe so's disappear into the certainty of glowing optimism.